


Permanent

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-21
Updated: 2009-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-03 10:54:24
Rating: Teen & Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8709670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: no summary really, just a little something inspired by David Cook's song "permanent"............. since the warning is the story, won't be posting any, just simply don't read if you don't want ;-PIT"S NOT A HAPPY FICcomments are love





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

He looked at the man lying on the bed, crying his heart out. And even from all the way across the room where he leaned against the wall, he could feel the intense agony radiating from this beautiful man. Feel the way the gut-wrenching agony left him in huge gulping sobs that wrecked his whole frame. Slowly, he walked over to the bed and crouched down so that he was eye level with him. Tilting his head to the side he willed the man to listen to his heart, and open those beautiful eyes that were squeezed so tight right now, and to see him. Look at him and know he was there. Know that he would never ever leave him.

 

Hesitant as to the reception, he tentatively reached out his hand to caress the head of spiky hair. So soft to the touch even if they hadn't seen a drop of water in over a fortnight. His heart clenched tight when he saw his touch calming the broken man. His wheezing sobs easing off into soft sniffles and the trembling of his body quieting down.

 

He got up from his crouching position when he realized the man had finally fallen asleep, never having opened his eyes. He wondered if it would have been a good or bad thing had he done so, as he crept up onto the bed to snuggle into the others embrace. Seeking the warmth that emanated from him. He felt cold, so cold. He wondered if he would ever feel warm again. He wished he could cry, wail or shout his outrage at the injustice of it all. What had he done? Oh God, what had he done?

 

"Forgive me, my love. Please forgive me." His whispered words drifted over the sleeping man, becoming one with the night sounds. "I never meant to break the promise I made. We made. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't realize what I was doing. I never should have. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, my love, but please be okay. I can't bear to see you like this. Please! I'm not worth it for you to waste yourself like this. Please!"

 

He could not bear to speak any further, so he got up to go stand by the window. The wind billowed the curtains, lifting them high up in the air. The sweet scent of rain hung heavy in the air. Far away he could hear the the creatures of the night coming out to play in the darkness, and rustling of the leaves from the trees that surrounded this humble abode. He turned back around to look at the bed, unable to stand a second without laying his eyes on the owner of his soul. His heart twisted at the sight that greeted him. For that man was now lying on his side, hands stretched out towards the window, as though even in sleep he could sense that his lover was not by his side.

 

As if guided by unseen hands, he felt himself being pulled back towards where he did not deserve to be. He had had it all. He had had this man's love. No one had ever loved him as he had done. No one had cared as had. Then why hadn't it been enough? Why hadn't it been enough to pull him back from the edge?

 

The fingers which had been stretched out now curled inwards. Twisting the sheet which made it inside the clenched fist. He leaned his head in, his larger hands covering the bunched up fingers, curling around them. "You are not alone baby. You are never alone. I'll always be here. No matter how far it is you think I have gone, I shall never leave you. I'll always be here. Right here, by your side. Now and always, my love."

 

It was time for him to go now. He was so very tired. But he would be back. He would be back for his vigil over the man. How he wished he could take this man away from the hell he was creating around himself. Take all the pain for himself and never have this amazing man suffer for the sins he had committed. There was nothing he wouldn't give, for another chance, just one more chance to make things all right. To right the wrong he had done. If he was to be here, why couldn't he have been given the opportunity to undo it all? He didn't know. But he was glad for it that at least he was even given this chance. To keep at least one promise.

 

"I love you." Jensen opened his eyes. He heard the words echo inside his head, resonating with a love as deep as the one which echoed it back in his own heart. Tears seeped into the pillow he hugged, wishing it was the warm body he had woken up beside for the past few years. His eyes lifted to look at the window where nothing moved. Drawn by something he could not understand. Much less explain.

 

He heard the heavy rain lashing outside, some blowing inside the room where the windows remained open. He didn't have it in him to get up to close it. So he remained where he was, staring at the same spot he had been looking at for the past few minutes, unable to draw his eyes away from there. The gust of wind that blew into the room lifted up the discarded papers lying in the room. And as the lightning flashed, it lit up the room enough for him to see the words written on the paper fluttering wildly in the wind. Words which were etched into his heart so deep he did not need to read a piece of paper to remember what was written there.

 

"A YOUNG MAN KILLS HIMSELF AFTER A BRUTAL ATTACK......................."

The picture below it showing a solemn boy with shaggy brown hair, whose eyes were too world-weary and disillusioned for someone so young. Who looked like he had seen much of the world, none of them good. He wondered if there was anything more he could have done to help him, to keep him anchored, even as he felt his heart shatter over and over again, silent to anyone else's ears but his.

 

He shut his eyes closed, unable to see anything anymore for the layer of wetness that blanketed it. Not wanting to keep his eyes open when he would never be able to see the person who had captured his heart, body and soul from the moment he had laid eyes on him, ever again.

 

"I love you. Please come back!!" his heartfelt plea disintegrated into fragments of sound, unheard by anyone except for the one who lay beside him, his face etched in deep agony. "Don't leave me alone."

 

 

Is this the moment where

I look you in the eye?

Forgive my

broken promise that you`ll never see me cry

And everything

It will surely change

Even if I tell you I won`t go away today

 

Will you think that you`re all alone

When no one`s there to hold your hand?

And all you know seems so far away

And everything is temporary

Rest your head

I`m permanent

 

I know he`s living in hell

Every single day

And so I ask, oh God

Is there some way for me to take his place?

And when they say it`s all touch and go

I wish I could make it go away

 

But still you say

Will you think that you`re all alone

When no one`s there to hold your hand?

When all you know seems so far away

And everything is temporary

Rest your head

I`m permanent

I`m permanent

 

Is the moment where I look you in the eye?

Forgive my promise that you`ll never see me cry...


End file.
